thoughts/2

shifting concessions

pointless interruptions

of your peace of mind

sometimes i feel i need to bribe my mind to stay calm

breathing intervals

incubating eagle wings

i believe in hope and purity

inner strength and kindness

when it gets a bit dry and dark

trust

take a step back

and watch your instinct elevate you

false alarms

play a repetitive sound

improvise

sympathise with the devil

sometimes he’s there to help you without realising

honesty is a virtue that very few possess

but it’s what will take you through life

without sacrificing your inner peace

 

 

 

sticky floors

restless faith

a sip of champaign

a twist of reality

go with the flow

or what you think is the flow

low

point of despair

once more you need what you initially asked for

a corrosive fear

why

it’s a mere reflection of who you are

manipulate the taste of signs

silence is a sin

if you can’t refrain from seeing lies

majestic

a Sunday roast

The Canterville ghost

preaches redemption

a phantom of pawns

a unique image of shows

stranded in oblivion

stars ask you why

you shine

you always did

i calculate rhymes in tears

i forgot who i was

but you did too

if i lose myself i don’t want to hear a lie

savage eyes

submerge into a flashing image

narrow sight

shredding the light

mindless games

freeze our brains

peace tries to find me

do i

an emotional disaster

a perilous master

i want to think my thoughts through

before i make another mistake

my consciousness is free

but my mind isn’t

how is this good

only the future can tell the truth

i feel i should obey the rules

what do my eyes say

why does my soul pray

fuck it

i’ll go home

on paris, beirut, burundi, but in the end life

it’s not them, it’s us, it’s everyone. we all fight for something but in the end for nothing. we’d rather hate than love. it seems easier to solve our problems that way. because if we love it means we understand. we understand how other people think, feel, live. we don’t want to do this. it requires effort and strength. compassion. we all want others to understand and accept us, be in our position, but we forget to do the same. we let our pride and ego blind us, obscure our vision. it’s a defensive mechanism of which we can’t let go. and thus we hurt. we hurt our loved ones, those who think or feel differently, the innocent, the weak ones. we fill our void. we believe we are something because we have control over others. that way we demonstrate that we are strong and everyone should respect us. vanity. is this our purpose in life? how do we let our worst instincts take over us? the fear of accepting the triviality of human existence. we are taught that we have to be better than others. that we deserve better. that everyone and everything is against us. but no one stresses enough the fact that one can be strong when he/she loves himself/herself. i think it’s important to understand this. it’s not necessary to prove one’s existence to be alive. loving yourself by giving some time to understand yourself, will teach you how to love others.

i think it’s a good time to take a step back and think. think about ourselves. about what matters. talk to ourselves about ourselves. in any case, it’s the most selfish thing we can do. then we can maybe learn. learn what matters to us, learn about life. and after that, actually begin to grow and feel better and proud of who we are and eventually the world.

night owl

besides he had lost his existence for a tiny wee mini second. maybe for more. he was staring at the far end. an empty look. he was thinking. yeah, he was thinking of something. maybe football. maybe what he had for dinner. or maybe of a girl. why are your eyes so small? i didn’t want to bother you. you seem like you don’t want to talk. ironic, cos i have so many things to tell you. i like to keep my breath and go underwater and open my eyes and i get scared when the rocks are dark. my eyes are sore after a while and i want to get out. i like to swim. it relaxes my body and mind. i could live in water. sometimes i don’t know what i feel. it’s weird cos i pretend i’m honest with myself. i think i can fall in love with my friends. it’s a great feeling when you feel warm and cosy and secure. i kinda felt that way when i met you. i want to take care of you but also be taken care of. i get bored quite easily, i have to admit. when nothing happens in my life i get sad. sometimes i’m scared that i won’t be able to love someone forever and i hate myself for it. forever scares me. i think, i still don’t know how to make my life interesting. i want so many things that i don’t know what things i really want. i know i miss my friends but you can’t base your happiness on other people, cos people come and go, but i don’t want to go. i don’t think i’m ready to go. or if i am, maybe i shouldn’t. i need a break. it’s always better after you take some time off and let your mind rest. think more clearly. the other day i took the bus and got off at a place i’d never visited before. and walked. for an hour or so. i’m sure it will be something i will remember for some time. when i free my mind i always get the most powerful images. and i can breathe every second of it. i can smell and see what i smelled and saw. i’m glad i’m alive. i love animals. i really want to adopt a dog. and go for long walks and look into its wondering eyes. i truly believe animals can feel so much. the same with babies and kids. i want to be a better person. help others. do things for me. i don’t love everyone but i like helping everyone. i actually love very few people. but to those i love i give everything. it’s sunday. tomorrow i’m working, but i don’t really care. i hope i can become a better person. i will. night.

empty void

no rush

hush, begin to brush

colours in your drowning eyes

subject to change

bewildered by what you think is fame

what would a man think

long for a paper promise

breathe your noise til it becomes extinct

a city never sleeps when it dreams

silence is loud when he speaks

sometimes it’s hard to explain

rain gets dry, sun feels cold

and being yourself disobeys the rules

break some glasses on the way

your purpose is not to stay

claim your position in a world full of contradictions

indecision is a crater without a flame

when you’re here eternity lasts for seconds

losing control is my way of showing love

it’s always too much or too little

i’m sorry

sometimes i have no control over myself

but i’m honest

i like it when my tea is hot and i burn my throat

music is something i want to be but i don’t understand it

my eyes are sore and my back hurts

it’s an illusion

fighting with ghosts

summoning the gods

i finally underestimated reality

summer is a good old red wine

the void is empty

This is actually random

The only thing that is black or white is the black and the white. The rest is just shades. Including the soul.

Whenever I make negative thoughts I think of my friends. It’s important to set priorities. Some things matter more.

My mind is full of contradictions. It’s both a curse and a blessing. Depending how you look at it. Bertrand Russell.

Sometimes this is taken for weakness. Sometimes it feels good to be weak.

I’d rather not think, just wander and live. Be free, be me, whatever that means. It’s true. To me. aaahh contradictions

I need music. I need friends. I need peace.

Meaning. Meaning is what makes you feel good. I want to be a better person. I need to understand what this means to me and do it. No excuses.

Life is a surprise. Every fucking second. Borrowing time will only make you owe more. So live it.

Every experience is worth something. Be it good or bad. Only thing, you have to learn to assess it properly in order to make something good out of it. That’s the hard bit.

Life advice is too overrated.

Flowers in the rubble 

they were born in crystal towns
glasses inside their eyes, a cellophane heart
rampaging  through infatuated streets
clinging on to fleeting stories
of ghostbusters and tardy glories
they were seen
petty and uneasy

the tune we used to listen to when we were 17
the rock of the masses and the pop of the uninvited
"we're sorry we are naughty,
but not for stealing a line or two in your afternoon paper"

silence for the loud ones is like crunches for the crippple
our pride will tow the glow
a twinge in your toes, a flashing hotel room
a fear of accomplishment devours their oath
to move on and flaunt their new routine

the tune we used to listen to when we were 17
the rock of the masses and the pop of the uninvited
"we're sorry we are naughty,
but not for stealing a line or two in your afternoon paper"

say no it's a maybe doesn't matter anymore
Trojan hopes plastered with ketamine
i was scared before i even believed

Twitter apocalypse

people who want to be cool

people who want to impress and listen to afro-caribbean house

people who go to the gym to be fit and have not got laid in six months

people who are quiet and know more than the lecturers

people who know people that know people

people who want to be the best and show off

people who are politically and morally correct

people who live too much and think too little

people who think too much and live too little

people who are passionately cynical, but naive

people who are tender and soft

people who speak but their minds are quiet

people who want to be cool

people who want to be

people who want to

people who want

people who

people

Tunnock’s and Irn Bru milkshake (Aye?)

A box filled with little boxes of memories that I wish not to forget

This place will always be the same no matter what or what

Ariadni and Tania love food

They talk about it all the time

They go on this website and can scroll down forever. Endlessly

This is happiness

There’s  this scene in Requiem for a Dream where the mother was all happy to see herself on screen with her red dress and her red hair

I wanted to hug her

Last week I went to a party and danced and was out of rhythm

But it was fun

I met this girl who studied Philosophy and really wanted to have people around her and be cool

We talked  for about 15 minutes and I tried to explain to her that things are easier when you don’t think about them too much

When you let yourself be but I’m not sure if she understood

Maybe she thought I didn’t understand

It’s nice to sit back and enjoy

Like the little boy in his green raincoat who literally didn’t give a single fuck about anything

And he was so cool

He run around, got sad when this other boy was holding his crush’s hand and tried to separate them

Carried on running and playing with a balloon despite the fact that it was pouring

He had so many emotions at the same time though he couldn’t understand

I will miss Taco Mazama and Massala Twist and Woodlands in the wee hours after a night out in city centre

And the drizzle and the west end accent and the shaking-i-might-brake-if-i’m-overweight train wagons in the Subway

And the underground scene and the staying-fit-going-to-viper conglomerate

It’s been a pleasure

Hasta la vista Glasgow

optimum delirium

your sassy feeling do not excite me. sorry. beware of the glare. i paid my life in a fair and square amount of gummy bears. they are so soft, but they stick in your teeth and somehow irresistible, you can’t really say no. like life and choices. my mum (and i think most mums) always tells me that if you want something very badly the whole universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. i don’t know if it’s true, but i know that if you want something inextricably badly you are going to get it. at some point. maybe not tomorrow, or in 5 years, maybe in ten. but there is something i do believe in. good things are for those who wait. maybe i want to hope so, maybe i’m wrong, but i think patience is the cure for anxiety, coz patience brings calmness. anxiety is bad, i know that, coz anxiety restrains you, anxiety is the devilish monster that won’t let you sleep, because tomorrow you need to go travelling, get a job, be a good partner, a good friend. sometimes you can have it all, but superficially only because you’re tired of waiting, and you’re having fun (i’ve had fun too) but you know it’s not the real thing or what you want anyway. it’s just an excuse to not do what you want. i don’t really have much at the moment, i’m really starting from zero, but at least this time it feels like the right thing and it feels good. it feels good to accept some things about yourself and everyone/everything around you. i’m not saying it’s easy, it’s damn hard having to explain to everyone your new choices but this time you know it’s right and you trust yourself a little bit more. try and find some inner balance and work on yourself before you make any serious decisions. you don’t necessarily have to love yourself, but know yourself (as much as you can). and people, yeah people will say so many things. people love judging and categorising others. we all do it to some extent. you can’t base your life on everyone’s else’s ideals and in any case there is no ideal life coz everyone thinks and acts so different. find something you love or at least you feel comfortable doing and do it. it sounds cheesy and cliche but that’s the only way. don’t ‘but’ or ‘maybe’, just do it. nike.