night owl

besides he had lost his existence for a tiny wee mini second. maybe for more. he was staring at the far end. an empty look. he was thinking. yeah, he was thinking of something. maybe football. maybe what he had for dinner. or maybe of a girl. why are your eyes so small? i didn’t want to bother you. you seem like you don’t want to talk. ironic, cos i have so many things to tell you. i like to keep my breath and go underwater and open my eyes and i get scared when the rocks are dark. my eyes are sore after a while and i want to get out. i like to swim. it relaxes my body and mind. i could live in water. sometimes i don’t know what i feel. it’s weird cos i pretend i’m honest with myself. i think i can fall in love with my friends. it’s a great feeling when you feel warm and cosy and secure. i kinda felt that way when i met you. i want to take care of you but also be taken care of. i get bored quite easily, i have to admit. when nothing happens in my life i get sad. sometimes i’m scared that i won’t be able to love someone forever and i hate myself for it. forever scares me. i think, i still don’t know how to make my life interesting. i want so many things that i don’t know what things i really want. i know i miss my friends but you can’t base your happiness on other people, cos people come and go, but i don’t want to go. i don’t think i’m ready to go. or if i am, maybe i shouldn’t. i need a break. it’s always better after you take some time off and let your mind rest. think more clearly. the other day i took the bus and got off at a place i’d never visited before. and walked. for an hour or so. i’m sure it will be something i will remember for some time. when i free my mind i always get the most powerful images. and i can breathe every second of it. i can smell and see what i smelled and saw. i’m glad i’m alive. i love animals. i really want to adopt a dog. and go for long walks and look into its wondering eyes. i truly believe animals can feel so much. the same with babies and kids. i want to be a better person. help others. do things for me. i don’t love everyone but i like helping everyone. i actually love very few people. but to those i love i give everything. it’s sunday. tomorrow i’m working, but i don’t really care. i hope i can become a better person. i will. night.

empty void

no rush

hush, begin to brush

colours in your drowning eyes

subject to change

bewildered by what you think is fame

what would a man think

long for a paper promise

breathe your noise til it becomes extinct

a city never sleeps when it dreams

silence is loud when he speaks

sometimes it’s hard to explain

rain gets dry, sun feels cold

and being yourself disobeys the rules

break some glasses on the way

your purpose is not to stay

claim your position in a world full of contradictions

indecision is a crater without a flame

when you’re here eternity lasts for seconds

losing control is my way of showing love

it’s always too much or too little

i’m sorry

sometimes i have no control over myself

but i’m honest

i like it when my tea is hot and i burn my throat

music is something i want to be but i don’t understand it

my eyes are sore and my back hurts

it’s an illusion

fighting with ghosts

summoning the gods

i finally underestimated reality

summer is a good old red wine

the void is empty

it could be love

purple sky, it’s orangish now oh wait maybe

staring at the top of the

scene we might be holding hands

but it’s pretty over there

bittersweet images breed nostalgia

the voice of a song sung in public

in my head it’s always special

fearless crows ignore the bones

i might love the situation

it’s all in my head

graceless

once again

it’s all in my head

stop the game

rest

time to ask yourself some questions

afraid to be judged

mocked or used

it’s all in my head

the sea swims inside you

take advantage of

get out and about feel live

what if i could use myself

manipulate myself

sounds scary

i’m scared

stop the game

rest.

late night lens

Something nice reads my mind

I clearly have no control

My eyes are hanging

Colours are melting

There is an itchy noise

Floats in the air

Screams a peaceful melody


Sun’s out

Heart’s out

A manipulative toy

Seeks to play

A whistling silence

Puzzling power

A blazing serenade

The Sirens pretend to sing

Gambling rocks

Numbers figure out a way to talk

The map is wrapped

This is actually random

The only thing that is black or white is the black and the white. The rest is just shades. Including the soul.

Whenever I make negative thoughts I think of my friends. It’s important to set priorities. Some things matter more.

My mind is full of contradictions. It’s both a curse and a blessing. Depending how you look at it. Bertrand Russell.

Sometimes this is taken for weakness. Sometimes it feels good to be weak.

I’d rather not think, just wander and live. Be free, be me, whatever that means. It’s true. To me. aaahh contradictions

I need music. I need friends. I need peace.

Meaning. Meaning is what makes you feel good. I want to be a better person. I need to understand what this means to me and do it. No excuses.

Life is a surprise. Every fucking second. Borrowing time will only make you owe more. So live it.

Every experience is worth something. Be it good or bad. Only thing, you have to learn to assess it properly in order to make something good out of it. That’s the hard bit.

Life advice is too overrated.

this is how things are

You are what I’m not

Not what I want to be

A circle around the sun

To circumvent our minds

Our friends say it was magic

but we know the truth

it’s getting dark soon and I can’t see clearly anymore

We were in the north succumbing to the flirtatious sounds of the birds

only to realise it wasn’t the birds

we existed, only there, in the north

no one could see or hear us

playing hide and seek

i’d rather be weak

Blue Bandanas

A step 
Time to rest
Drown and emerge 
In the sea
The waves can't hear 
In the sea
The waves have no fear

They stop and wait 
The wind blows them away
Nothing is there
In the sea
They come and go 
Eat salt
Dry out 

There are only secrets
In the sea
A man feels weak 
A game of hide and seek
A beast dressed in silk
Feels free
In the sea

The skin is rough 
The fish get tough
In the sea
There is no light
No sound
Just the sun and the waves
I saw them coming

the battles matter

my life in line with my tonic faith to grow and flow through uncorrupted modes on a civilised swing i believe i can dream big is only what i do not what i say i don't care about my name it's better to live in silence and discover the flame undercover infiltrated emperor flicks through the veins of a beating core eyes wide open sometimes can't see the sky but spot the cloud that is about to dry it's hard to care when others don't dare to spare a moment they're scared fresh air is all i need for my senses to breathe the light is closer each time i surrender my thoughts a flashing angel on the phone it's all i need to know
soldiers in peace

fatal wounds don't underscore the tombs 
cryptic sights caress my eyes 
drawn to explosions and nights
of flashing lights 
a cry of marvel and shame 
my feelings on ale
search for the need to belong
no more is this the truth 
beats of another era
a glass of sangria will do
my mornings are filled with black
circles inside my head 
ferocious dreams circumvent the spirit
of a broken soul 
fatality, fading abnormality

where do you go when you need to rest
do you ponder and digest 
what life has brought onto your chest
i'd rather just forget everything that makes me quest
it's not a resignation 
it's a full time reservation to crystal days
glorify the pain and learn from the drain 
don't want to drown into disdain 
accomplish perfect frames 
beautiful shapes, glittering shades
hey! pause for a little and bargain with the devil
your cards are worth every single penny 
besiege your only home that is your brain 
through colourful bridges chow mein 
  

Thinking backwards

a trip an obnoxious drip that ceased to gawk at the moonlight after a thousand silicon nights. i heard an unsatisfying noise proclaiming a dead-end, suffocating spirits in digits and limitless flashing feuds. flash.light.the mighty light.the adventurous side of things. eskimos in the fridge. banned for life, sinking in my attire, the duress to dress to impress. a bold fest. how come and we all want to reach the crest? i wonder, an unscrupulous beholder. i fold the sheets, roam the city’s dirty streets, uncanny dreams. do you want to see what i see when i sleep? my life’s in control of me sometimes it’s hard to believe, great times are ahead. a face behind the smoke. hands in the pockets. your eyes on fire.

 

“Hey, stop doing that!”

“What?”

“That.”

“Don’t know what you’re talking about!”

“You’re a goofball.”