night owl

besides he had lost his existence for a tiny wee mini second. maybe for more. he was staring at the far end. an empty look. he was thinking. yeah, he was thinking of something. maybe football. maybe what he had for dinner. or maybe of a girl. why are your eyes so small? i didn’t want to bother you. you seem like you don’t want to talk. ironic, cos i have so many things to tell you. i like to keep my breath and go underwater and open my eyes and i get scared when the rocks are dark. my eyes are sore after a while and i want to get out. i like to swim. it relaxes my body and mind. i could live in water. sometimes i don’t know what i feel. it’s weird cos i pretend i’m honest with myself. i think i can fall in love with my friends. it’s a great feeling when you feel warm and cosy and secure. i kinda felt that way when i met you. i want to take care of you but also be taken care of. i get bored quite easily, i have to admit. when nothing happens in my life i get sad. sometimes i’m scared that i won’t be able to love someone forever and i hate myself for it. forever scares me. i think, i still don’t know how to make my life interesting. i want so many things that i don’t know what things i really want. i know i miss my friends but you can’t base your happiness on other people, cos people come and go, but i don’t want to go. i don’t think i’m ready to go. or if i am, maybe i shouldn’t. i need a break. it’s always better after you take some time off and let your mind rest. think more clearly. the other day i took the bus and got off at a place i’d never visited before. and walked. for an hour or so. i’m sure it will be something i will remember for some time. when i free my mind i always get the most powerful images. and i can breathe every second of it. i can smell and see what i smelled and saw. i’m glad i’m alive. i love animals. i really want to adopt a dog. and go for long walks and look into its wondering eyes. i truly believe animals can feel so much. the same with babies and kids. i want to be a better person. help others. do things for me. i don’t love everyone but i like helping everyone. i actually love very few people. but to those i love i give everything. it’s sunday. tomorrow i’m working, but i don’t really care. i hope i can become a better person. i will. night.

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