optimum delirium

your sassy feeling do not excite me. sorry. beware of the glare. i paid my life in a fair and square amount of gummy bears. they are so soft, but they stick in your teeth and somehow irresistible, you can’t really say no. like life and choices. my mum (and i think most mums) always tells me that if you want something very badly the whole universe conspires in helping you to achieve it. i don’t know if it’s true, but i know that if you want something inextricably badly you are going to get it. at some point. maybe not tomorrow, or in 5 years, maybe in ten. but there is something i do believe in. good things are for those who wait. maybe i want to hope so, maybe i’m wrong, but i think patience is the cure for anxiety, coz patience brings calmness. anxiety is bad, i know that, coz anxiety restrains you, anxiety is the devilish monster that won’t let you sleep, because tomorrow you need to go travelling, get a job, be a good partner, a good friend. sometimes you can have it all, but superficially only because you’re tired of waiting, and you’re having fun (i’ve had fun too) but you know it’s not the real thing or what you want anyway. it’s just an excuse to not do what you want. i don’t really have much at the moment, i’m really starting from zero, but at least this time it feels like the right thing and it feels good. it feels good to accept some things about yourself and everyone/everything around you. i’m not saying it’s easy, it’s damn hard having to explain to everyone your new choices but this time you know it’s right and you trust yourself a little bit more. try and find some inner balance and work on yourself before you make any serious decisions. you don’t necessarily have to love yourself, but know yourself (as much as you can). and people, yeah people will say so many things. people love judging and categorising others. we all do it to some extent. you can’t base your life on everyone’s else’s ideals and in any case there is no ideal life coz everyone thinks and acts so different. find something you love or at least you feel comfortable doing and do it. it sounds cheesy and cliche but that’s the only way. don’t ‘but’ or ‘maybe’, just do it. nike. 

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